James Doolin. “The meat lovers vegan cookbook: How to stay in a relationship with a vegan if you love steak tartare.” 2018. Miskatonic University Press, Arkham, Massachusetts.
This is the cookbook and guide to cuisine that meat lovers who also love vegans have been waiting for. I’m sure any of us who are in relationships with vegans can tell stories about their lovers’ fetishes. Avoiding the slightest hint of chicken broth. Their concern for not taking advantage of bees by eschewing honey or eggs because they don’t want to culturally assimilate chickens can be off-putting. Hearing one more time that you should watch “Babe” when you are getting ready to chow down on a BLT with extra bacon can put a serious dent in a man-sized appetite.
Vegetarians have known for years that fake hamburgers don’t really reproduce the true taste of meat and so they have learned to appreciate that, say, a black bean burger can be satisfying on its own terms. But what about the reverse? Can a vegetarian, or even a vegan be fed something made from meat products that will pass the test for tasting like 100 vegetable protein? Especially if they don’t know they are eating meat?
So, what’s a considerate, loving man who has real, honest feelings for a vegan woman (or man, let’s be entirely modern and “woke” here) to do? Obviously giving up meat is not the answer no matter what your true devotion. Even trying to do without shampoos and deodorants that weren’t tested on animals is really pushing the envelope. I mean, who has time to waste reading lists of ingredients?
Doolin in his groundbreaking new book has provided the answer: fake it. And he does it in a way that won’t break up your relationship. Today’s cooking science provides ways so that you can make a dish of food that looks like a Pad Thai with tofu but is actually satisfying chicken breast. And if your significant other asks for a bite, just hand her a morsel between chopsticks, arch an eyebrow and coo: “realistic, eh?”
Some new kitchen appliances can make whipping up fake vegan dishes a snap. Such as those machines that make spirals out of vegetables that look like pasta. This same device can make spirals out of meat products that can easily pass for pasta. Just make sure that you sop up the blood.
Dulin’s book could be the volume that saves the relationships of millions of men who truly care for their vegan lovers, but just not enough to change their eating habits.
Check out Doolin’s other books, including “Caring for a Child With Life-threatening Peanut Intolerance Without Giving up Payday bars.”