While Trump has not yet officially conceded the 2020 election, he seems to have privately embraced the inevitable. And he’s said to be planning a new foray into reality TV . . . and non-reality news.
Sources says that before his expected 2024 presidential run, he’ll lay a foundation for that effort with his own TV channel – dubbed TrNN (for Triumph News Network, TNN already taken). The ready-made TrNN audience will consist of his base and a substantial swath of FOX’s viewer demographic: old, white, privileged.
Just this week, The Times-Advocate received a package (note to David, the glass in our transom needs to be swept up) providing a description of TrNN’s program offerings.
To whet your appetite for TrNN (I’ve always wanted to use the word “whet” in a column), following is a sample of these proposed shows:
The Conspirator: unapologetically based on the success of “The Apprentice,” The Conspirator will feature The Donald asking participants to come up with their craziest conspiracy theories. The contestants will, one by one, be fired (and harangued as “total losers”) with the remaining winner chosen by The Donald because having offered the most outrageous conspiracy of them all (supporting facts unnecessary).
There may be a difficulty finding participants for The Conspirator, given that the winner is promised a job as The Donald’s hair stylist but having to sign a non-disclosure agreement).
The GOP’s Got Talent: This show will feature, each week, two or three Republican Secretaries of State explaining their methods of voter suppression: from reducing the number of available ballot drop boxes to culling of those registered but ruled illegitimate via minute technicality.
Winners will be selected on the basis of how many votes they were actually able to suppress or managed to get thrown out in a recount. Any “evidence” of the suppressed or eliminated votes claimed by participants will not be required, allowing for several legal challenges of the final result in a subsequent TrNN spinoff, Top Stars of the GOP.
The Masked Republican: Participants in this show will be elected GOP officials showing off their best dance moves, from Kentucky-style clogging to walker-enabled break dancing.
Planning for this program is still in the works since Republicans have an aversion to facial coverings. As compromise, participants can wear a Halloween-type mask of a past president. Most have chosen Ronald Reagan, though one – an obvious admirer of the age of Reconstruction – wants that of Democratic president Andrew Johnson.
The One+Four=Five: An afternoon talkfest, this will be an unabashed but updated version of Fox’s “The Five.” It will feature a daily 45-minute rant by The Donald on a range of topics – first, always, how the 2020 election was “stolen” and a collection of insults directed against women, Democrats, the media.
He will then go off script with several non-sequiturs that will make even his remaining Fox adherents squirm (always wanted to use the words “Fox” and “squirm” in the same column.)
After his monologue, the Four (selected sycophants) of the show get the final 15 minutes to praise The Donald’s intelligence and the chaos he is likely to create in a second term as president.
“Fine People”: Based on The Donald’s description of “fine people” on both sides of the violence in Charlottesville in 2017, this show will provide deep dives into the activities of various groups on the extreme alt-right.
The inaugural show will provide tongue-in-cheek analysis of QAnon’s various conspiracy theories and its “militia summits” for recruiting new adherents. Up next, a friendly look at the rise of the Proud Boys and a documentary lauding California’s very own Rise Above Movement.
Future “Fine People” programming will include on-site visits with various right-wing militias and the weapons training they feel will be needed during the urban chaos they expect in the imminent attempted overthrow of white society.
Fake News Tonight: This will be TrNN’s primary news program, consisting of attacks on the mainstream media and analysis of its leading stories as all fake. This will be supplemented by YouTube clips of Democrats explaining their proposed policies, mangled and taken out of context to suggest such things as, say, the impeding doubling of the middle class tax burden and Biden’s plan for Communist-style socialism in America.
Barrister Barr: Rather than a Judge Judy rip-off, this will be a weekly talk show, former Attorney General Bob Barr inviting in several conservative judges to discuss the best strategies for destroying the Constitution.
Advertisers? — Well, we hear, so far, that only three have expressed interest in signing on for TrNN programming: a marketer of various forms of cheap injectable bleach, a manufacturer of QAnon and U.S.A. flag patches, and The National Rifle Association.